HERE'S WHAT YOU NEVER GOT TO SEE ON STARBLOG: PART #2

Here's what NEVER made it's way to StarBlog. You may see the published version here:
http://starblog.stomp.com.sg/post.php?blogid=1235

I Like My Dreams Wet I Gooed My Pants 3 Nights In a Row Subconsciously Replaying My First Ever Close Body Contact

It was but an innocuous, couple-y “sit on my lap” do. And it wasn't even real. It was part of a photo-shoot. But having never been so close to a girl before, my mind registered it more like:



My first thoughts on the word “sex” is obviously the act of sexual intercourse. Second thought, geez... I hope I can last (especially with a “hot” babe in ANY sense of the word). I've never responded to any spam email on Viagra or Viagra alternative, but I must say I've always been very tempted. Third thought, my eyes are googling passerby cleavage and chasing skirts, or, 'I'd like some porn right now'”.

Did you know that Wonderbra & Cosmopolitan Magazine
jointly founded “National Cleavage Day” to:

“To solemnize women’s independence and power in all facets of life,
from their careers to their relationships to their own destiny.”
Picture from Wonderbra.

Surrealism is a gift. And the concept of succubus ever turned me on. Human are sexual beings.

The D.O.B is obviously bullshit. But the age is real. LOL... This is a graphical re-enactment, but I really did fill out a form like that recently, when I was subconsciously frisky.

The desire and inclination to mate is in-born. Even 4 year old girls start humping pointy objects. Vanessa and I found it very humorous the one time we were in a business partner's car driving through KL, and on the radio was a talkshow tracing children's sex behavior from the age of 2 thru 16. Subsequently, Vanessa couldn't help but believe my account of a 4 year old former tennis student intentionally stimulating herself with my sports marking cones on several occasions. I got spooked and quit teaching that demon the one time she said, “coach, I know your thing can grow” accompanied with some maniac laughter. So much for “Sweet, young, innocent thing”!

The talkshow also mentioned how young boys may demonstrate “peeping tom” or compulsive sniffing behavior without any prior introduction to sex or porn. Its true! Not just me, I also accidentally caught sight of a friend's younger brother sniffing the toilet seat right after a hottie came out from the washroom after peeing.



On a different note, a conversation back during NS with Jason who went on to start a fashion store went as such:

Jason: “Hey Jules, what's your 'Magic Number'”?

Julian: “Huh? What 'Magic Number' are you talking about? Is it to do with favorite number? Mine's '27' – if that's what you want to know. What about it?”

Jason: “Haiyoh! 'Magic Number' means, the number of times you can shoot in one session.. two hours.. Mine is 8.. You leh?”

Julian: “Since when did people ever refer to the number of times you cum as 'Magic Number'?”

How the hell does any guy manage to fire his bazooka 8 times in 2 hours? It needs to be charged you know? Anyhow, nope, folks I will not be revealing my “Magic Number” or whatever you call it here.. it's about as taboo for me as telling my age to a female from the era were pretty femmes were called “jute girls”. What I can say is, less than Jason. Grrr.

Most men, including thyself are rather fixated on how often, how many times, and how much release. I was actually repeatedly e-window-shopping for products that promised improvements to the above 3 areas.

Speaking of numbers, my numerology master actually told me that a person's friskiness can be told from his/her birthday.



A person of this birthday “selalu mau” (quoting my Malaysian-Chinese sinseh – always wants [sex]) is not only very horny and compulsive when it comes to sex, but also enjoys “painting”, for those of you who know what that means. When I learnt these calculations, scores of male friends were asking me to interpret their prospective girlfriend's birthdays to shortlist the ones with the highest and best sex drive.



Someone with the above birthday on the other hand, not only has a high sex drive, she also has a split personality particularly in bed, and can be a very talkative and noisy dominatrix at that! So pervs... if that sounds like your type, you'd wanna scout for girls of those two birthdates.

I don't have any frisky number combinations in my birthdate analysis. Thus I can only imagine just how highly-sex someone with such combinations can be.

I'd like to admit that, when I was single, I was on 3 dating sites, 3 meet-for-sex sites, and 2 online swinger groups (I'm shier than I look). I even paid for “Platinum Membership” on 2 of those sites – all in search of a good shag. I'd also like to tell that the results were very dismal – the prettier ones were either fishing for men with fat wallets or unserious, some were into their own kind, or not into NSA (No Strings Attached), and the rest were either fat or ugly as $#*@. Sigh again, paid for sex and still didn't get any.

Remember the song by Tamperer which goes:
“Is it SEX or is it LOVE? Is it SEX or is it LOVE?”

Sex. People who don't love each other can still have sex, but people who love each other by majority need ample doses of sex to remain in love.

The “Battle of the Fittest”, for male lions culminates in sex with the most number, or most desired of femmes. Among humans, “Battle of the Fittest” definitely applies. Either you're physically super fit, immaculately handsome, or financially well-endowed, or else, not a chance of bedding barbie.





I fully agree with the song that goes: “You and me baby, ain't nothing but mammals, so lets do it like they do on the discovery channel.”

Here's what NEVER made it's way to StarBlog. You may see the published version here:
http://starblog.stomp.com.sg/post.php?blogid=1235

HERE'S WHAT YOU NEVER GOT TO SEE ON STARBLOG: PART #1

HUGE Diff between this one and the one at http://starblog.stomp.com.sg/post.php?blogid=1222

I'm Already Lost! Don't You Dare Say “你能讲中文吗?” (Can you speak in Mandarin?)
Bad Communication, Bad Behavior, Stupid Questions and Nosey Parkers.

Over the weekend, I went for a workshop on Success Permissions, which involved understanding Energy Psychology and using its principles to clear my phobias, emotional blockages and negative repetitive patterns. At a point in the workshop, I was asked to think of an event I felt a very strong hatred toward. The event was “National Service Enlistment Swearing In Ceremony”.

I was smiling because I beat the system in sneaking in my camera phone.

I remember how the hound dogs (whose service has been recently extended from 45 to 50 years) barked at me to echo words I did not mean, about my allegiances to the nation. Not just once, but several times over. And that, if we were real men, we had to be loud and full-throated about it.

Why does being gungho about the scorned 2-year chore that stifled me of a professional tennis career equate to being a “real man”? I vividly recall how I and a couple of promising young men were verbally whipped and stripped of our intellect and social standing. I remember seething with a fury akin to Logan, a.k.a. Wolverine upon realising he was but a disposable pawn in Col. William Striker's plan.

I would have been touring around for international tennis/

tournaments if not forestalled by NS.

I put my hand up, and denied experiencing any such event, and was given an alternative task. There's no way I will forgive the system for racking up such great losses in income, opportunity, esteem, and most importantly, time. Don't discuss about being “The Good Soldier” or “Doing Your Part for Singapore” with me, EVER! Also, don't EVER make me swear CRAP about blah blah allegiance to some national slave-type activity.



Like... NPCC back in secondary school. I dropped out not long after went to a new cadet swearing in. Why not try the SPCA? Sorry, I'm not a dog-matic.

Don't EVER ask me for “Good-will Offerings”! As the word suggests, it's really about good will! How can I have good will if I never felt anything positive about a particular place? So hypocritical isn't it? Like, back at Nan Hua Primary School - I scorned the then-principal Mdm Fong who couldn't be more blatant to my parents in seeking more “good-will offering” for my acceptance into the school. Wasn't it because she and my paternal grandmother had an association in common and thus wanted to extend a favor? Plus, my parents already gave her/the school a red packet of $2000 when I first entered. She was not even the least bit trite about my class and 1/5 of the school going through one in a half semesters without electricity in classrooms, when the teachers and staff areas were fitted with 2 large ceiling aircon units per classroom size – which even required the construction of an outdoor power-housing unit. Ludicrous! I'm proud to have pioneered the $0.11 donation packet. She actually hauled me out during one assembly when I was primary 5 regarding this, in a bid to “humiliate” me. My logic? I nonchalantly explained that the number of cents to commensurate with my years in the school, that I'd give $0.12 the following year. I'm so glad when I heard several juniors have emulated my example in the years after.

Parents around... so all lights and equipment in working order...Wayang ah!

Don't EVER give me bad service and expect a commendation. School again. This is about my current institution, SMa School of Management. Students service is run by a bunch of largely incompetent and selfish bastards! (I must be clear that 2 or 3 or the new staff are really God-sends, and that this applies to the bulk.) What service? They expect students to keep to our decorum, but they do not keep to theirs! When I asked to come for an alternative time to attend a class, following the lecturer's instruction to check with them on his teaching schedule, I was given the whole “No. We will not disclose his lecture schedule to you. If there's any reason as to why you can't make it for your regular class, you are to submit a document excuse letter about your engagement. Even so, it would be subject to review.” Hello? Doesn't SMa stand for Singapore Manufacturer's Federation? Aren't you supposed to be encouraging enterprise? I'm self-employed and you wouldn't support my expansion of my business by even allowing me to sit in for another class just once? Then why on the other hand, why are we supposed to put up with the bunch of prudes who have all of a 2-week school vacation to print our new term notes, but only do it 15 minutes into class time, such that we have just the first lesson's notes only 45 minutes into the first lecture of the new term? Multiple times, not just once. Ridiculous.

About service again. Don't you even “我听不懂！你能讲中文吗？” me. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against China nationals here to make a living. But I have EVERYTHING against employers who put China nationals on the front lines of various service business, just because they're cheaper to hire. Singapore Bus Companies! Shame on you! You keep raising our fares, but bus drivers tell me you've been reducing the pay plan, such that locals won't even do it as a gainful employment. What's more, how can you expect Malays, Indians, Eurasians and Foreigners to communicate their questions on bus route? Are you thinking “ignorance is bliss”? That's so cheap! When I dine in a western food cafe or restaurant and get served by a Chinese national, I politely dismiss them and beckon the manager. While I can order in Mandarin, but why the hell should I order in Mandarin at a western food cafe? It's just unacceptable. Once, the owner of a Mediterranean cafe came over to ask if there was a problem with his staff. I totally flamed him and asked him what the hell his problem was, to hire so many people who are all obviously hopeless in understanding his menu. Shape up, and hire bilingual, or else ship out of my patronage EVER!

I still remember how a China waitress was adamant that Mojito is pronounced “Moh-Jee-Toh”, and wasn't willing to accept other pronunciations of the word.

Don't ever attempt to block the MRT doorways when people are exiting. Especially if I'm one of those exiting. Especially in at the interchanges and the heartland stops, there are scores of “kiasu” Singaporeans crowding to enter. I literally go ballistic. I stick my elbows out and ram my way forward. I shove/ram/topple idiots who can't follow the multi-language train announcements to “please stay behind the yellow lines and allow passengers to exit before boarding”. There was this uncouth douche who pushed a pram in even before anyone could exit and was making big side-to-side movements. Because his baby's legs were sticking out of the front, everyone including me had to be extra careful getting out so as not to cause hurt to the child. I told the jerk, “hey asshole, can't you wait for us to get out first?” And he engaged me for that. His meena wife too. They challenged me to call him “Asshole” again. I yelled back, “Hey it's not my fault you're fathering at 37, broke and can't afford to take your kid out in a car!” Stomp Seen! should have more of such errant train boarders in the “ugly singaporean” posts.

Scores of inconsiderate people, “Kiasu Singaporeans”.

Speaking of which, the Stomp Seen! is full of videos of “Ugly Singaporeans” eating or drinking on buses and trains. What could be key reasons for barring eating/drinking on public transport? Odours? - Severe body odour is far worse than any food smell, including durians. Mess? Fair enough. Litter? - But what if I ate neatly, clean up after myself and on the way out? I recall this one time Vanessa and I had the craziest, long day rushing from place to place that we literally had NO time to stop and eat. We had no breakfast, and no lunch, and were going to miss dinner too if she didn't have her California Handroll, and I didn't have two chicken wings on the go. But this spare-tired nosy bitch who probably had a 2 hour lunch-break and was on the way home for a nice home-cooked dinner just wouldn't cut us any slack. First up, she went, “excuse me. You see the signs? No eating and drinking on the bus.” We acknowledged, and we continued. Then she pursued again, “hey! Did you hear me? The two of you! No eating on the bus!” Vanessa glared at her, while I answered, “Yes, but we'll STILL going to eat! Unlike you, we haven't eaten ALL DAY, so go mind your own business” And I continued to munch. Then Vanessa noticed this prude started filming us discreetly with her phone's cam. I also “discreetly” made a middle-finger sign in the direction of her lens. I hope she's happy about that. Yes, we weren't supposed to, but we're knowingly breaking the rules, and no one else got encumbered or hurt in the process. I ever come across a group of school boys practicing card flourishing tricks with a deck of poker cards on a bus. But some bespectacled 38 year old prudish lady readily recognised that as (whispering VERY LOUDLY to her friend) “haiyoh! Gambling! What a disgrace to their school! OMG! Don't their school teach them about these vices? I'm gonna film this and post on Internet! Make sure I shame them and let their principal see!” Great God! How small minded can some people be.

This was late for last week's entry, but nonetheless,
working out helps deflate some pent up anger.

Just thinking of these instances of social retardation makes my blood boil. Looks like I gotta start using my energy reset methods to discharge before I go to sleep tonight.

HUGE Diff between this one and the one at http://starblog.stomp.com.sg/post.php?blogid=1222 Compare la