I wish I had:
A video crew - So I can produce all kinds of whimsical crap with lots of special effects.
A sound crew - So I can parody any bloody song out there whenever I feel like it.
A webdesign crew - So I can just come up with concepts and have people do the dirty work.
A writing crew - I'm even too lazy to write.
A soundproof room with spotlights and diffuse lights - so I can make stupid videos any time of day I want without bothering anyone.
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